[Mercedes.] .. So, how far have you made?

When I looked at images while I was younger, it’s like I never was. It’s like I was murdered. It’s like I filed a report, and I’m the police, the detective, the homicide team, and I’m missing. It’s like I could put up a poster, stand right next to it and still never have been found. I tried to draw near, but the walls kept getting in the way, I never put those up. I walked the perimeter of my bodies prison, I called my name and never responded, I looked at my reflection and saw words I dated. I couldn’t handle a breakup so we stuck close together. I talked to myself, repeating words of my reflection, picking up a dictionary simply trying to broaden my complexion. Definition after definition I found a missing person is defined as absent from a place and unknown whereabouts. Whereabout could I be, about me I couldn’t see. I stopped looking at my pictures, I stopped looking In the mirror, I had enough words I could put together, because we dated. I had so many things I looked forward to, words are endless, so I was too. I had a new game plan, I called it “look it up” as long as I didn’t look up, I’d make it. I could make my heart beat faster then anything, that deep adrenaline rush of, “I could do anything.” But I still couldn’t look at any picture, my pictures. I put aside myself because remember I never was. You cannot deny, I cannot deny, I would never find a definition that could complete someone who I never knew of. I chased the sunrise in hopes I would rise, I chased visions in hopes of catching a glimpse of my face, doing things I hope I’d like, but at night that was always my biggest fight because In the dark I thought I was found but what exactly is found in pitch black? My eyes were shut the entire time anyways. If I kept this up my entire life, I’d stop growing. I’d have nothing to fill, of course I could fill up journals, words were my reflection, but my emotions were ink-less, paperless, all over the place, outside myself. Lost, tomorrow’s sun couldn’t bring light to my days. I needed to know how far I planned to make it, murdered victims never lasted, but my pictures stated different. I was planning to take down those missing person posters as well because my pictures stated different. I filed a report years ago, but if you ask me now, I’ll show you my pictures, because I’m safely being found.

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